You wake up as the sunlight hit’s your face, you feel the grogginess fading slowly as you swing your legs over the bed and feel the cool hardwood which instantly makes your toes curl. After a good yawn and stretch you half walk, half drag yourself to the kitchen. You start the coffee pot and scratch an itch absent-mindedly on your elbow and let yourself gaze out the front window. It’s going to be nice today… the sun has already coaxed several neighbors out to mow their lawns.
Your coffee is ready.
You pour yourself half a cup, and then fill the other half with french vanilla creamer, watching as it swirls in a cloud in your mug. You pop a waffle into the toaster and hear its familiar hum as the electricity pushes into the metal inside of it. You shuffle down the hall to the restroom, and this is where your day ends…. before it’s even began.
Because for some reason… this room also happens to have the most amount of mirrors in your whole house. You can’t help but look at your reflection in them, your reflection from each and every angle, staring at yourself. For a moment you don’t recognize yourself… as if that could maybe be some other girl staring back into your empty eyes. That girl with her hair disheveled, her eyes with bags underneath, and that extra 20 pounds you’re carrying around that you only really get to fully admire on display in your pajama shorts that nobody but yourself gets to see.
Your heart sinks, even though something tells you to fight against it. Yes… Sleep was restful and full of lovely dreams and peace and solitude; now you are awake again, and now you are reminded of reality. You peer closer into the mirror to notice a huge zit growing on your chin… how did that just appear in 8 hours? Why didn’t you notice before how dry and horribly split the ends of your hair were becoming… my God… your mind flashes to your friend you’ve seen yesterday at the grocery store. Her hair was so smooth… so shiny… like she had never taken a straightening iron to it before…. she probably hadn’t because she knows that damages hair. Your hair is so frizzy and out of control you HAD to use a flat-iron on it. Now it is dull, lifeless… it doesn’t look like hers. She took better care of her hair… you never were good at caring for or styling your hair correctly, you are such a failure. Come to think of it… had you ever even seen your friend with a zit? Ever? Well even if she ever HAD a zit (which you highly doubt) she obviously was better at applying makeup then you because she covered it flawlessly.
You would never be able to apply your makeup like her. Oh and it’s not just her; it’s every girl. You can’t figure out how every girl you see (even the not so pretty girls) always seem so much more put together than you. You spend hours a day perfecting yourself through clothes, hair, makeup, sometimes even juice diets and failed gym memberships in hopes to look like these girls… these NORMAL girls you like to call them. It’s like no matter what they wear or what they do, it always looks better then when you do it. Even their flaws are better than yours.
Because you are a failure.
Your skin is dry and leathery, your eyes are too far apart, and your eyelids are hooded. Your nose…oh God your nose…it’s so big, and you have a double chin no matter what angle you try to hold your camera at to capture a decent picture of yourself. No amount of contouring can fix something like that. Your makeup always looks patchy and uneven, you really just don’t have a gift for it, in fact you don’t have a gift for doing makeup at all.
No matter what you wear you can’t hide that tummy roll, you can’t hide your fat arms, and uneven awkward breasts. No one will ever REALLY love you because let’s fact it… you’re really not all that lovable.
Even if you wanted to go ahead and repeat that sentiment that beauty is only skin deep, and it is on the inside and not the outside… you are screwed there too. You’ve made more mistakes than anyone you know, you have actual enemies. You speak without thinking, you listen without hearing. You can’t empathize anymore because you are too empty and numb yourself.
You take pills for depression and sometimes you get so stressed out you want to get away from your own children. You’re a horrible mother do you know that? You had kids too young, you’re divorced, you are as mean as hell to your boyfriend, and you don’t deserve him. You smoke. You eat too much. You laugh too loud. Your voice is manly. Your knees are crooked. You quit everything you start and in all honestly lets face it… you have no unique talents. You spend too much time on vanity and how to find ways to love yourself… why are you doing that? Don’t you get it already?
You are unlovable.
You are a waste of time, an embarrassment to your family, and quite frankly you’ve taken what God has given you and blasphemed against it.
God does not love you, how could He? How many chances has He given you? You call your bad luck karma… no that’s divine intervention. You deserve it. No matter what you do it is never going to matter, your life will be pointless, you will always settle, and no amount of hoping, praying, begging and good-will doing is EVER going to make your feel whole again.
Welcome to earth. Welcome to hell. Your own self-made hell on earth… and you deserve it.
You… are worthless.
You are ugly.
You are not, and will never…. be loved.
Satan has been called many things. He has been called beautiful, cunning, powerful, the king of lies, the roaming lion that prowls the earth to devour and to destroy.
But he has never been called truthful.
Satan knows your weaknesses, he knows your strengths. He knows your patterns, your lifestyle, what sets you off, what secretly makes you happy. He knows your addictions, your guilty pleasures, your lies, your fears, he knows everything about you as any good stalker does who has had a lifetime of observing you.
And He hates you.
You were made in God’s own image. You resemble God. He hates God. He Hates you.
Satan knows where he is going and he does not intend to go alone. He wants you to go with him. Yes, you.
You can catch more flies with honey, Satan knows and utilizes this. You feel inadequate… Satan reminds you of why. The last thing Satan wants is for you to hear Truth. Because if you hear Truth… and by some miracle you accept it… his enemy (God) wins. Satan hates you because God loves you. The beauty you see or don’t see in yourself every day, God sees the beauty of Christ who has made you pure and blameless.
Your worth is not in possessions, or in physical beauty, or in strength of character or in your noble heart, or intelligence. You are a sinner as we all are, and you are offered forgiveness and Truth as we all are.
Jesus came in the form of man to fulfill prophesies made hundreds of years before his birth. He was the word, and the word was God. Jesus was not a moral teacher nor did he claim to be. Nor was he a teacher, and he never claimed to be. He was neither a liar or a lunatic, a preacher or a fraud. He was Jesus, Son of God, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end.
Jesus died to cover our sins and pay a debt we ourselves could never pay.
Satan reminds you why you’re not good enough.
Jesus reminds you that His blood that was shed for you set you free.
To accept who Jesus was, all man, all God, is to accept the greatest Truth and gift that you will ever receive in your lifetime. To accept this Truth is to give you eternal life not separated from God, and to let Satan know forevermore that you are spoken for. For once your name is written in the book of life, no power in Heaven, in hell or on earth can rub it out.
Your shackles are removed, your sins and mistakes are removed and forgotten, paid for by Jesus himself. The reflection you see in that mirror is a reflection of the image of a Holy and mighty God. Inside your earthly body is a soul that will live eternally with its creator in a paradise no mind could ever imagine.
There is no way to Heaven apart from Jesus, He is THE way, THE truth, and the life.
God loves you. He died for you. He calls you his princess, and Satan’s powers have no hold over you any more.
You are beautiful.
You are loved and called Beloved.
You are a daughter of the King of Heaven.
You are beautiful.